Earlier this year, the National Climate Assessment report was released, which had bipartisan support (finally!), and the following conclusions were discussed within this report. First, climate change is happening and it’s due to human activities. Second, there are many things we can each do to change this. And lastly and most unfortunate, there are things that cannot be remedied.
As I have contemplated these facts, it really seems to be the reality of life itself. We can view our own lives as a personal climate assessment report knowing our lives are always in a state of flux. The good thing is there is definitely something we can do about our climate assessment report. And then there is a way to accept and work with those things that are just the way they are. Whether I’m counseling couples in sex counseling, leading a mindfulness class, discussing a healthcare issue, or dealings in my own life, it seems to all be distilled down to these three views.
The majority of my sex counseling practice centers around desire discrepancies. Meaning, one person wants less or more than the other partner. With our very busy lifestyles, limited time, raising families, financial pressures, emails, smart phones, etc… sex is often under the category of obligation, demand, “have to” and just another issue on the already busy list of things to “get done”. Some couples have given up on sex altogether. About 20% of marriages are now sexless.
We all know when we first enter into a relationship, it appears to be the end all and be all. We want it to be this way forever. Don’t change, stay just as you are now. Yet, now changes and begins to take on appearances of busy schedules, kids running around, money issues, aging, etc… and the sexual experience changes. Despite knowing this, couples find themselves stuck in resistant patterns of wanting it how it was.
So the question becomes how to develop a “bipartisan” agreement in relationships over the climate assessment report. The realization that through human activities of daily life, change is happening. Assess your life and reflect on your daily demands. Next what areas are you able to change to free of up energy that may be better used in creating intimacy with your partner. And, what do you have no control over yet you keep expending energy on. Doing an honest inventory of your life is necessary to really know what you are dealing with in your relationship climate report. Otherwise, the habitual nonproductive patterns hijack you resulting in states of blame, excuses, and emotional withdrawal.
Ultimately, all of life changes and how we choose to view the changes makes all the difference. Pablo Picasso sums it up…. You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses…