What do you use your bedroom for the most? And most specifically, your bed? Do you and your partner discuss all the family details such as work, money, children, sex, chores? I want you to mindfully pause and think about what conditioning you’ve put in place that is now associated with your bedroom. The ideal association to have with our bedroom is that of rest, sleep, and love making.
If you reflect on the many conversations you and your partner have had while laying in bed, what do most of those conversations revolve around? What I hear almost 100% of the time is the day in day out life issues being discussed. Those discussion often turn into conflicted dialogues that result in someone leaving the room or rolling over to stop the conversation or become a major argument that leaves you both up long hours without sleep.
Our beds should be the place where we go to rest, sleep, and make love (of course, other places are good, too). Over time with repeated conflict in the bed, we will begin to associate our bed with conflict verses a calm place to rest our heads.
Let me also mention, the TV's, computers, video games and cell phones. Many patients talk about the “need” to fall asleep to the TV. These are also the same patients telling me about their insomnia and lack of having a sex life. Now while I don’t put blame on electronics per se, our brains are wired to help us fall asleep and to have sex, but when we are being pulled into the distractions of electronics, our brains are not going into a state of rest let alone considering getting aroused. When we assess our bedroom rituals and see that rest and sex is not happening, then we must take a look at what we are doing that keeps these things from happening.
So tonight, I want you to start a new plan for your bedroom and bed. Make it your sanctuary. Make it the place that you fall into with full peace, harmony, and find yourself aroused just by placing your head on your pillow. This is real stuff here and if you want your neurons firing together in patterns that promote health and well-being then you need to take steps to make it happen. Get your electronics out of the room. Take all the heavy conversations you're having about what’s not working and all the conflict and leave it in another room that’s designated for that kind of stuff. Leave your bedroom for the fun stuff.