Just mention oral sex and the responses typically go in the direction of aversion. In heterosexual coupling, the 20 and 30 something’s are engaging in the most oral sex, hovering around 63-78%, yet the 40 and up crowd, are skipping this delight. Masturbation and intercourse are the typical ‘go to’ sexual activities. Aversion to oral sex may stem from belief systems that view cunnilingus and fellatio as nasty and sinful. Others describe the dislike of taste of genital body fluids.
Integrating the pleasure of taste into a sexual union allows another gateway to open in experiencing your partner. The, often, persistent mental chatter dominating the oral experience keeps the full embodiment of tasty pleasure locked up and pushed away. These narratives are almost always based in inaccurate views of taste when a body fluid meets with the tongue. Prior to even “going down”, the discursive story has begun about how “nasty”, “gross”, “disgusting”, “this just seems foul”, etc… so when the tongue meets with the sex organ, the self-fulfilling prophecy is in full swing. Let me reassure you that sexual body fluids are safe (barring no STD's, of course), clean, and really very mild in flavor. Here’s the low down of what these body fluids contain and what may influence taste.
Vaginal sexual arousal secretions contain multiple chemical compounds creating a pH 3.8-4.5 which is an acid solution. Oral connoisseurs will reassure their partner that the taste is pleasant, with a blend of slight sourness and sweetness. Go to most restaurants and these flavors are hot menu items. So why not make your lover your hot menu item! There are reasons this sweetness is altered. A diet rich in cruciferous vegetables, meats, alcohol, garlic, and spices can shift tastes. Think about what smell comes from your sweat and you get the idea. Also, infections, menstrual cycles, and hygiene are often game stoppers. This may warrant a visit to the gynecologist if a smell, discharge, and other symptoms occur.
Ejaculate contains sperm, sugars, enzymes and other chemical compounds with a pH of 7.3-8.0, which is more neutral. As with vaginal secretions, nutrition, infections, and alcohol will alter flavor. Ejaculate is often described as having a bland, salty taste. We must like salt, because the American diet consumes 3,400mg daily. Can't blame ejaculate taste, if we like it that much! It's recommended to consume less than 2,000mg/day. There are techniques that can be performed for the phobic partner resistant to having cum in the mouth and partner’s that enjoy this part of oral sex.
The fact is that at least half of people sexually active, engage in oral sex. They swallow, lick, kiss afterwards, finger and taste, and absorb themselves in a very intimate encounter with their lover. It’s clear that it’s not the body fluid that’s the issue in oral sex, but the mind complaining about the many aversions to it. If that’s you and you have a genuine intention to overcome that obstacle in deepening your sexual experience through the sense of taste, try this mindfulness investigation.
Begin with relaxing into your breath and stay with this for about five minutes. When you sense a relaxation, invite this belief to come to mind about what you find aversive in oral sex. It might show as it’s nasty, dirty, unclean. Whatever the story, begin to dismantle this narrative (Let me say that if a troublesome story of abuse of any kind arises, this needs to be addressed with a therapist.).
Dismantling the narrative is through logic and reasoning. Begin with is this a true belief. If it is true, then we all would recognize this truth. What happens when you believe that thought that oral sex is nasty, dirty, unclean? Notice what’s happening in your body with that thought. Then ask, if I drop this thought, what does this mean, who would I be, how might I act? Try not to get caught in over analyzing but stay with the first thought that arises with each question. This exercise is often repeated a few cycles and most often a very clear insight emerges.
Lastly, the gift in our sense of taste (as with all senses) is to transform how we relate to our world. In sexuality, taste provides a gateway to explore where we hold back, where we give, where we hit our shadow and edges. While at least half of couples keep the delight of oral sex in a closed gate, the other half is stepping through this threshold to please their partner and surrendering to pleasure for themselves. In the words of Loudes S., “because without you and your love, there would not be a hot sexual taste in me”.