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“Once there was a tree....(read the story)…..and the tree was happy.” - Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree Just take this moment and check in with your day so far. Since your day began, how many thoughts have you had about what you want? How many about what you don’t want? How much of the wanting is about getting an object of desire such as a new job, relationship, sex, food, clothes, house, car, etc., fill in the blank. How much of the not wanting is about the exact same things?
Like a Tasmanian devil, we are frantically seeking endeavors that consume our time and energy on gaining something, getting pleasure, improving our status, and getting approval. Yet, we can also assess that these same conquests bring pain, loss, disrepute, and attack. The Industrial Revolution changed our lives, yet most of our desires began to revolve around acquisition of “things.” In the late 1880’s, Sears and Roebuck started mailing consumer good catalogues to customers. Their motto was “Don’t be afraid to make a mistake” because there’s a money back guarantee and these "things" could be returned or replaced. Catalogue advertisers spent approximately 90 million a year (2.3 billion in today’s dollar). Today, a whopping 100 billion is spent for online advertising alone. At any given time, we have just about any possible desire at our fingertips, literally. Google anything your heart desires and within seconds hundreds of thousands of opportunities will present itself. If your desire is for food, check out how many restaurants offer delivery to your home so no need to go anywhere. If you want entertainment, it’s endless. Sex, check out pornography, or the 2,500 dating websites promising your soulmate. And, of course, shopping opportunities galore for clothes, appliances, books, yoga mats, shoes, cars, homes, etc. all awaiting a buyer. And, in "The Giving Tree" as Shel Silverstein writes, “You may cut off my branches and build a house … then you’ll be happy," but not really. The United States is one of the most unhappy countries on the planet despite what’s available to us. This “what’s next syndrome” keeps us seeking and hoping and fused with a “believable” reality outside of ourselves. Consider making your “what’s next” a pause. Slow down the process of getting, having, wanting, and craving and take note of what's present in those moments. Observe how the wanting is mostly tied into a very frenetic, panicky energy and the not wanting with aggression and discontent. There is a way of not falling into the trap of what’s next. Think of what’s been on your mind regarding a desire or some dissatisfaction. Now take it through this mindfulness exercise called RAIN (by Jack Kornfield):
Next time you feel the urge to “get something” or “get rid of something,” practice this process. Happiness is an inside job. Rearranging the furniture, so to speak, is only an attempt to keep you away from what’s really going on inside. It may be that the new pair of shoes or ending the relationship or enjoying sex is the most authentic way to proceed. But until we pause and look at what our mind wants us to believe or not believe, then we will continue on the “what IS next syndrome” ride that produces more of the same – unhappiness. After the boy had taken everything the tree could give, it's leaves, branches, and trunk, the tree invited him to sit on his stump because the boy was an old man now and needed rest. Before we waste our entire lives on "what's next," rest now. Rest with ease and peace of what's now. Just as it is. However it is. Be mindful. Be authentic. Be happy …. and the tree was happy.
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"Meditation is one of the ways in which the spiritual man keeps himself awake." - Thomas Merton In the first blog for Tara Mandala Truckee Sangha, I introduced the concept of neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to be molded and change through our entire life. However, most of us remain on a trajectory of conditioned, habituated patterns. With the exponential growth of research on meditation in neuroscience, some small conclusions can certainly be elucidated about some findings. The brain has the capacity to create new neural pathways, which has significant implications as to what pathways will generate well-being or not, wittingly or unwittingly. Therefore, having a strong motivation to train our minds in this process for the good, is within our potential.
The brain structures have evolved over 400 million years with the lower brain system and higher brain system. The lower is called the reptilian and limbic brains, which are the oldest, having elaborate networks that remain out of conscious awareness, and biased to fear and negativity. The more modern brain center, neo-cortex, a two-lobed structure blossomed with the higher mammals, such as primates and humans. The neo-cortex dates about 120,000 years and the more modern "version" is about 5,000 years old. So from an evolutionary standpoint, we as humans with a neo-cortex are in the infancy, so to speak, of this brain system. An important region in the neo-cortex is the region called the Pre-frontal Cortex (PFC), specifically on the left side. This is the executive function center and where neuroscience is paying close attention. The PFC has nine functions including; body regulation, attuned communication, emotional balance, fear extinction, flexibility, insight, empathy, morality, and intuition. It may appear obvious the reasons for accessing this particular region and how might we train our minds in developing strong neurological networks to override fear, emotional instability, insensitivity, rigidness, unwholesome actions of body, speech and mind. What is definitely worth noting is we are overcoming tremendous neurological pathways that have very ancient roots in our brains, which have profound affects on our behaviors. How often does reactivity get the best of you? Having a high degree of self-compassion and compassion for others is paramount as it is a very potent antidote to the prolific narratives of hatred, confusion, greed that dominate our minds. The good news is that through an activity such as meditation, we cultivate pathways to this center. No definitive daily time has been firmly established; however, it appears that 30 minutes a day after 8 weeks has produced notable changes in this region. As we may experience in our own life when we are on track with our practice, our sense of well-being is enhanced. This sense of well-being is a way to monitor our sense of how our life is more stable, congruent, flexible, and the capacity to not be quite as reactive. And I would even invite you to contemplate how much more authentic, present to what arises, and connected you are to your own inner life as well as those around you. Something worth noting to check up on. While those practitioners on the Buddhist path may not need science to prove anything to them about the truth of this transformative path, it is interesting and may be the gateway to others who have the curiosity about meditation. Remember, Buddha himself said that there are 84,000 paths allowing each of us a suitable path. May each of us know our path and may we each know well-being. "A friend is always good to have, but a lover’s kiss is better than angels raining down on me." - Dave Matthews In my office, I have two swivel chairs placed next to each other for the purpose of allowing couples to turn toward each other, but it also gives them the opportunity to turn away from each other. Inevitably most sit either directly facing me or swivel away from each other, when the discussions address their sexual issues. When I inquire about the last time they shared a passionate kiss, it’s usually not remembered or it’s been a very long time.
During courting, potential partners will begin the mating ritual of lip biting and lip licking (unconscious process), in hopes of getting to lock lips. I had the delight of trekking chimpanzees in a trip to Tanzania a few years ago and I’ll attest to these behaviors in primates, our common ancestors. The males will wildly be licking their lips and biting when a female in estrous is nearby. These displays are seen in courtship in humans as well in hopes of leading to the first kiss. When kissing finally takes place, a rich cascade of neurochemical events takes place. As we all know, this is a very powerful biological experience that keeps us going back for more. Kissing causes various chemicals such as oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins, testosterone, and phenylethylamine, to be released. These hormones and neurotransmittors promote pair bonding, strong feelings of love and romance to arise, reductions in cortisol (stress hormone), heightened attention toward our lover as well as obsessive perseveration of them. While all the lip smacking and licking is going on, our sexual organs and genitalia are getting primed and ready for the possibility of sex. Helen Fisher, Rutgers Sex Research, suggests the reason men have a more “wet" kiss is to pass testosterone via saliva to the female to promote her desire to have sex. So gals, now you know, next time that wet kiss is making its way on your mouth, it’s because biology has a purpose. This bountiful pharmacy may be accessed just through kissing, yet most couples begin to turn away from their partner, no longer wanting to kiss. Of course, the problems that lead to the lack of kissing in a relationship is complex, yet with the promotion of attuning to, attending to, and paying attention to the finer essentials necessary in bonding, we can access this chemistry in the hope of letting nature help facilitate the process of reconnecting. Also, these chemicals promote well-being and greater health. Here’s the kissing homework assignment I suggest this mindfulness meditation practice. Sit facing your partner, take a few deep breaths and relax into the gaze of each other’s eyes (which by the way stimulates oxytocin). Set a positive intention with one another for the benefit of the relationship. Place your attention on your heart area, bringing a quality of kindness toward yourself and then send that loving feeling through your heart to theirs. Stay with this for a few minutes. Setting an alarm is a good idea. Once the alarm chimes, lean toward one another and kiss. The kiss at this point can be very simple. Then return to your meditation on sending a loving feeling toward them. Repeat this cycle about five times. Doing this daily either at the beginning or ending your day in this way, will promote love, kindness, friendliness and even sexual desire. When you complete the cycles, take a moment to give each other a warm embrace (again, promoting oxytocin). Like all mindfulness exercises, they are a practice and remember it’s a practice. Not for perfection, but for acceptance of how life shows up. So practice showing up and turning the proverbial swivel chair back toward your partner, embracing them with the delight of a kiss (or kisses). "The 'chaos' is 'ordered' when Divine word is spoken into it." - Bill McDonald In all wisdom traditions and religions, the principle of choosing thoughtful speech is highly emphasized. We have all experienced the poisonous effect of being talked about or spoken to in a hurtful way and have also dished out our fair share of harmful words. When patients are processing painful sexual experiences (or any experience) with each other or attempting to connect with their partners in sharing their sexual preferences (or any preference) and desires, the use of language becomes a battleground that misplaces the deepest need to feel heard. So let’s take a look into a method that has a very potent power to transform very encumbered patterns of sound to healing tones of connection and intimacy.
Marshall Rosenberg, author of "Non-Violent Communication," has forged a style of communication in which the power struggle that typical ensues in tough dialogue that is emotional charged, is distilled down to four components. They are observations, feelings, needs and requests. Embedded in all communication is a need to be understood. Yet often our approach and unskilled methods get us just the opposite. Our capacity to observe a situation that arises with openness and compassion is the first gateway toward connection. If in our observation we close down in fear and anxiety, we will contract an observation into a self-centered analysis that has lost contact with the present moment. If we stay open to the moment with a sky-like observation and speak words that bring a large perspective, we’ve crossed into this gateway of I want to hear you from my heart, not my head. As we then encounter this observation and "feel into it" expressing our feelings with a thoughtful kindness, the second door opens deeper toward connection. Within the feelings that surface, we brush the delicate human condition of need. As we descend into the human condition, we meet a need that has a desire to be met with understanding. From this space, we make a request for that need to be met. When expressed with honesty and is received by the listener with empathy, couples will make contact with intimacy, which ultimately brings them face to face with their spirit. Words are like a fuel that can burn in the hearts of our beloved with either potent understanding and passion or to harm their well-being. From moment to moment, the choice is ours. With the application of mindfulness to our speech, we enter a gateway toward connection or toward destruction. If your life reflects a flourishing and nourishing intimate connection, then know you are fueling one another’s heart with love. If your life reflects poor communication, then know that you have been fueling yours and another’s heart with suffering. Non-violent communication is the antidote to such suffering. In the words of Lao Tze, “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." - HH Dalai Lama Have you noticed how mainstream media is espousing mindfulness, compassion, empathy, and happiness suggesting that these qualities are good for your overall health and well-being? Unfortunately, such news doesn’t seem to seep much further than being a good read or news program. The fact is, Americans when compared to other countries on happiness, rank about 20th. In my work in health care and sexuality, it’s very rare to encounter true well-being and happiness within the walls of my office. I am optimistic (because I’m an optimist), because this culture is very thirsty for authentic happiness.
The reason I write, teach, and counsel patients about cultivating qualities such as compassion, empathy, insight, relationship attunement, exercise, and healthy nutrition, is because these qualities are the path toward happiness. Notice I didn’t mention more money, more vacation, more golf, more shopping, another home, because materialism has failed as a path. And yes, you can guess that not even more orgasms will be the ultimate happiness path. Studies suggest that once you earn an income of $60,000 year, anything over doesn’t necessarily make you happier. In fact, as incomes increase, happiness indexes show a decrease in happiness. Our capacity to be fully present and recognize another’s suffering, generates happiness. Compassion, meaning our ability to hold another’s suffering and a desire to alleviate their suffering, is a very active process. Many of my patients hold a position of why does their partner have to feel a certain way, why can’t they just get over their “problem” and get on with it. Despite their insistence for their partner to "get over it", neither person is happy and they stay stuck in a holding position of “rightness” at the expense of a loving partner. I must admit having been in that situation at a time in my life when my partner stated that I should take the emotions out of it when I was in great duress. After all, as he said, he was more logical than me, and I was more emotional. Interesting conclusion. When we are skillful in the ability to be compassionate, empathy springs forth, which provides the “relating to” the emotion the person is feeling. When we relate to their feelings of sadness, insecurity, jealousy, fearfulness, or shame, we are in resonance and attunement, which let’s the person in despair know, I’m here for you, it’s all okay. Within this space, intimacy is borne and a genuine and authentic acceptance experienced. Ultimately, compassion provides the gateway to deeper love and happiness. A very active and generous process that welcomes life as it shows up, just as it is, without judgment. An interesting side note, research concludes that this active process is a very felt sense, meaning, it can't be faked. Either it's genuine or contrived. As I say to patients, check up on your life for the evidence. If your life is reflecting intimate relations with your partner, rejoice, and keep cultivating this genuine attitude. If your life is or has reflected conflicted relations and resulting breakups, well, practice the exercise listed below as these qualities can be developed. It's living a more skillful life, rather than choosing insanity of doing the same thing over and over and wondering why the results are the same. The unfortunate news to these underdeveloped states of mind such as compassion, it leads to poorer health, increases in blood pressure, anxiety, stress, inflammatory processes, and relationship breakdown. I’m certain the reason our divorce rates are so much higher in the U.S. as compared to other countries, is skillful attitudes of compassion have not been developed or even encouraged. As a culture we place greater value on human “doing” rather than human “being”. And it is within the space of "being" where whatever arises moment to moment just as it is, brings well-being of body and mind. Here's the good news, there is very compelling data that continues to emerge on how to cultivate positive states of well-being that lead to healthier and happier people. It requires a good dose of daily discipline to master the skillful life of happiness, but I know it’s truly possibly for you. Below is a helpful method that when practiced daily for 20 minutes (with hopes of at least 30), you will begin to experience a more peaceful and spacious life. Give yourself a 30-day challenge and you can check up on yourself. See if you experience greater well-being and ask those around you if they are experiencing you in a new way. Let’s begin:
May you all have happiness and may your health and sexual well being prosper. "The great tragedy of speed as an answer to the complexities and responsibilities of existence is that very soon we cannot recognize anything or anyone who is not traveling at the same velocity as we are. We see only those moving in the same whirling orbit and only those moving with the same urgency. Soon we begin to suffer a form of amnesia, caused by the blurred vision of velocity itself, where those germane to our humanity are dropped from our minds one by one." - David Whyte Over the years of study and contemplative wisdom practices, the pace of hurriedness that encircled my own life underwent what I call a forced-transformation. That’s when the visitors from beyond wave their wand and magically life stops being constructed on the sandy mound we think is a safe foundation. When this constructed house falls, shock sets in, followed by utter quietness. So silent that the pain once pushed away and ignored, begins to surface and is felt. The pain scale charts used in medicine do not have this level of pain as a choice, it’s off the chart.
When I came upon this writing from David Whyte, I understood to my bones what the essence of this velocity can mean and how it related to my own life. The difficulty to just drop into the gap between thoughts, feelings, and sensations of my mind within this type of speediness seems frightening and as if things would fall apart if not kept at that pace. But as the universe within me would have it, I had to face the dropping away of my self-constructed velocity and stay put. Pema Chodron calls this taking your seat and suggests a slogan to address this as: Sit. Stay. Heal. Last year, I experienced this proverbial “seat.” Over and over I returned to my breath and brought to life all the study and teaching I have been very fortunate to have encountered. Taking my seat and welcoming the silent whispers that had always been gently speaking, I realized that without taking genuine interest in the quiet solitude within me, that Socrates might be right, the unexamined life is not worth living. What a tragedy that would mean and not an option I would want to consider. Living has no meaning in speed, acquiring more money in a bank account, another degree or promotion, getting a “perfect” mate, and so on. However, has everything to do with the cultivation of deep attention to awareness moment to moment. Imagine a world where we stop and rest within a space of stillness unencumbered by constant activity. Imagine your day as you go from one task to the next and that if between each task, you stop and relax with a few breaths and feel into your body and with intention go to the next. Actually intending with attention just how precious your life is and the life of those who choose to be with you. All to often, my patients reflect the annoyances, critics, and judgments of their partner and completely loose sight of the gift of being partnered. The relationship seems trivial and inconvenient as if life owes them something more impressive and perfect. The sudden stopping my life took last year that put me firmly on my “seat," created the conditions for me to sit, stay, and heal. Velocity may have its place for Olympians and racecar drivers, but most of us live our lives with this sort of inward velocity. If your life reflects repeated issues, well, just call that velocity. The antidote I recommend is: Sit. Stay. Heal. Then, and maybe then, the quiet whispers once ignored will be the lens you see with, as a guide sent from the beyond. "Sexual communion should be a ritual performed in mindfulness with great respect, care, and love. True love contains care and respect. It is deep, beautiful, and whole." - Thich Nhat Hanh With the passing of Valentine's Day, some may be glowing from gifts, good food, and maybe even great sex. If you followed my last blog about the neurochemical events after orgasm (assuming when you had “great” sex, you had one), then you might be experiencing some of the chemical changes I described.
In Marnia Robinson’s book "Cupids Poison Arrow," she discusses a concept called Karezza. Robinson says, “In simplest terms, karezza is affectionate, sensual intercourse without the goal of climax.” In fact, orgasm is not advantageous and may be what causes disruption in relationships. This idea may create a stir within about the attachment we have to orgasm. It feels great and for most couples is the goal to even entering into the act of our sexuality. Marnia’s website and book. Karezza is not the only ancient wisdom practice that recommends not reaching a climax. Tantric practices in eastern wisdom traditions such as Hinduism and Buddhism, teach sexual tantric practices that keep this vital energy within the subtle energy channels that circulate within our gross physical bodies. When couples share their frustration about one partner having difficulty having an orgasm or individuals that suffer from post-orgasmic syndrome (yes, this is a real phenomenon), this is a practice I recommend. In fact, I advise new couples to practice the art of bonding through touch, intimate touching, and basic tantric practices so they concentrate on a trusting and wholesome bond, versus a fixation on orgasm. Because Oxytocin bonds us to each other, it would be advantageous to foster behaviors that promote secretion of this hormone. Ultimately, in coupling. creating a bonding connection that can withstand the typical relational issues, Oxytocin may be the key ingredient to keep that bond. Behaviors that promote Oxytocin are cuddling, kissing, hugging, touching, and deep authenticate communication. With orgasm, there is a very small burst, but not long lasting. Oxytocin has a very short half -life so it’s important to keep bonding behaviors active in relationships. Choosing to have orgasms and enjoying them may be a by-product of your love making, but making it a means to an end of a sexual act is missing the essence of our sexuality. Let the act of bonding be what moves your sexual flow and connect deeply to the human being that chooses to be in your arms and you in theirs. Practicing the art of mindful meditative sexuality may bring you to greater bliss than the 6 second orgasmic bliss. Give it a try! “The pleasure of living and the pleasure of the orgasm are identical. Extreme orgasm anxiety forms the basis of the general fear of life.” - Wilhelm Reich Most patients seeking my counsel typically want to have more orgasms, making their sexuality, goal-seeking. There is certainly nothing wrong with enjoying the pleasure that orgasm does bring, yet there is some very curious chemistry happening with orgasm worth analysis.
When orgasm occurs, Dopamine (DP) our reward hormone, is released in certain areas of the brain. Prolactin, a satiation hormone, increases after orgasm. Oxytocin, our bonding/trust hormone, increases, but sharply decreases if behaviors such as cuddling do not occur. Androgen receptors in the Hypothalamus, of which Testosterone interacts with, declines after orgasm as well. So what does this mean to you? Here’s what you may find for yourself if you really pay attention over several events of having orgasms. With drops in DP and increases in Prolactin after orgasm, you may find yourself feeling depressed, motivation and drive diminished, less inclined to loving behaviors, decreased libido, erectile dysfunction, mood changes, headaches, sadness and distracted. Biological Anthropologist, Helen Fisher PhD, has extensively studied human sexual behaviors and what is happening in our brains with sex. What she has found in her studies is that DP release tops off after 1-3 years in relationships. If you assess your own relationships, you may know this to be true. Things begin to be less exciting and sex seems to take more effort than when you first met and courted your betrothed. My analysis of how DP, Prolactin, and Oxytocin influence the cycle of orgasms and the confusion over how it seemed so good at the beginning then diminishes into repetitive quarreling, really does seem to be pointing in the direction of neurochemistry that is imbalanced. Neurochemistry in balance does bring well-being and cooperation, yet the excess released in abundance during the first year or two soon to cycle into the rollercoaster ride as described above. It’s not surprising that most relationships begin to struggle with sexually related problems. With this knowledge, you may ask, well now what? Don’t have orgasms? The answer is yes and no. Maybe it’s about re-thinking your sexual approach and what happens after the sexual act that has resulted in orgasm. Ultimately to gain stability and balance with your neuro-biological system will bring the greatest health and sexual benefits. Stay tuned for the next blog on different techniques to help you understand where to go from here. For now though, keep track of your moods, motivation, and attitudes. Keep a journal and see if you may possibly have the DP related blues related to post-orgasmic syndrome. Until next time, may you have true pleasure in your life that brings you health and well-being. "Some sunshine is good for the soul, but I always make sure I wear a big hat." - Miranda Kerr Model Miranda Kerr has it right. Sunshine certainly has it’s gift to us in lifting our moods, getting us outdoors, feeding nature, and providing healthy doses of Vitamin D. If you have been like me in the past, I grew up in the sun and have spent and spend lots of time in the sun. Not as a sunbather, but being active and enjoying many outdoor activities.
Unfortunately, it did catch up to me. I recently had a skin cancer removed called a Squamous cell carcinoma (SCC). My dermatologist said I’m about 20 years too early for this type of cancer. Unlike a more frequent and common type in my age group, basal cell carcinoma (BCC), SCC’s types have potential to spread. Thankfully, I had surgery and all is well. Here are necessary guidelines to follow to reduce risk, but still enjoying time in the sun: Seek Shade from 10am to 4pm. Do NOT burn, Cover-up with UV-clothing if out in sun during those hours. Use broad-spectrum (UVA/UVB) sunscreen SPF 15 and above. Apply to skin 30 minutes before going outdoors and reapply every 2 hours. Skin screenings every year and learn to examine your own skin and have it checked if you become concerned about a lesion. One of the benefits of having some sun-exposure, is the rich source of Vitamin D3 that it provides. However, as we age our capacity to absorb and produce Vitamin D decreases. Plus, because many of us are using sunscreens, we aren’t deriving the sunshine’s benefit of D3. And sadly, the average American diet does not lend itself to diets with rich sources of Vitamin D. If you are over 40, have your Vitamin D3 level checked. Low levels will sometimes be treated with prescription Vitamin D3 and others treat with daily doses of 2,000iu/day. If you prefer to get from your fish, milks (soy, dairy, almond, coconut), and cereals are common sources. Optimal Vitamin D levels (between 55-75ng/ml) may help in prevention of Osteoporosis, depression, inflammatory conditions, heart disease, cancer, and autoimmune diseases. But, of course, it just seems to make sense, that if we are following a healthy nutritional base, exercising, and getting outdoors to take in some of the goodness the sun offers, health prospers. So put on your sunscreen, a jacket, and hit the beautiful trails that our Sierra Nevada range offers. Big Love! “It's a totally ridiculous, completely unsexy word. If you use it during sex, trying to be politically correct– 'Darling, could you stroke my vagina?' – you kill the act right there. I'm worried about vaginas, what we call them and don't call them.” - Eve Ensler, The Vagina Monologues Not only do women sometimes have a difficult time hearing the word vagina but talking about their vagina’s is even more stressful for them. So when women begin to experience vaginal dryness, there seems to be such discomfort and shame about what is occurring within their vaginas.
Vaginal dryness is the lack of lubrication often occurring around peri/post menopause; however, certain immune diseases, smoking, breastfeeding, pregnancy, chemo and radiation, medications, and douching can lead to vaginal dryness. When women transition into menopause, the lack of estrogen effect on the lining of the vaginal walls causes the walls to thin and atrophy. The vagina during states of arousal enlongate and expand along with lubricate allowing for intercourse. As a woman reaches menopause and after, her vagina is slower in the sexual response and dryness may cause intercourse to be painful. Women may experience symptoms of itching, burning, soreness, bleeding and pain during and after intercourse, urinary symptoms and urinary tract infections. Seeing your healthcare provider for a pelvic exam, pap smear, urinalysis, and lab testing is necessary to diagnose vaginal atrophy but also to rule out other possible causes. Treating vaginal dryness with estrogen creams, tablets, and rings can be very effective and I prescribe these routinely for women. Options of bio-identical hormone replacement are also an option. I counsel women on the necessary usage of lubricants and moisturizers. Astroglide and Silk are very effective lubricants and Replens is a helpful moisturizer. It is necessary to avoid douching, hand lotions, hot tubs (prolonged and frequent use), bubble baths, perfumes and harsh detergents. Often women express that it must be time for them to stop having a sexual life because of vaginal dryness. Remember that sexuality is an integrated experience not limited to a physical experience. A woman’s mental, emotional, and spiritual life are also very integral to her sexuality. As we all age, the sexual response may and will take a bit longer to reach, but knowing how to integrate the fullness of a woman’s entire being, not limited to a vagina, is the key to lubricating sexuality into a pleasurable experience. So ladies, despite the idea that vagina may not be a comfortable word, your vagina is designed to be a comfortable place for your pleasure, even when things change and you age. |
Sherri AikinSherri Aikin is a Fellow of Integrative Medicine, Nurse Practitioner, Sex Counselor, Mindfulness Facilitator, and Life Coach. Categories
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