I just returned from a meditation retreat, and my energy is more expanded, more spacious and up-lifted. You may be thinking, sure you just had time off and of course you’d be more relaxed. Yet the retreats I go to have a very vigorous schedule, along with experiencing moments of intense emotion, not to mention close quarters with people I usually don’t know. Also, there are chores to help with, whether in the kitchen, cleaning toilets or cleaning rooms. So not exactly a trip to the beaches of Hawaii sipping on mango juice and having room service. Yes, yes, I teach, write, and speak a lot about meditation and here’s why:
My wish for my patients is that they will begin a practice even if for only 5 minutes each day. And for those doing a practice, here’s to your expanded well-being! From the teachings of Christina Feldman: Mindfulness of breathing is a practice of learning to harmonize your attention with what is, in this moment. Short, long, deep, shallow are all fine breaths. Trust your body; it knows what is needed.
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"Time=Life, Therefore, waste your time and waste of your life, or master your time and master your life." - Alan Lakein It’s already later than you think.
Recently I had the pleasure of meeting a patient that imparted the most beautiful wisdom to me about being in relationship. Relationship meaning all those people that we call family (whether blood related or not). She talked about the “plan” she and her husband of 20 years had for their life. Well, their “plan” was interrupted by his diagnosis with cancer and soon thereafter, his death. He was my age when he passed. Some short time passed and she fell in love again and after four years with this lovely man, she came home to find him dead from a heart attack. In four short years, she lost two wonderful men. Now her mantra is “It’s already later than you think.” Image the grief of loosing two partners that you dearly love. Her courage and wisdom inspired this blog because she touches a very profound wisdom teaching of being very grateful for the people we have in our lives in this moment as things are impermanent, changing and it’s always later than we think. The reason I feel compelled to write this is because many of the patients I treat, tend to forget this very fundamental reality of life. That it’s impermanent, changing and at some given moment we take our last breath. Holding grudges, resentments, and casting blame, keep each of us from this truth that it’s always later than we think. There are daily tragedies we can read about in the paper or watch on TV to remind us that life has a tenuous quality to it. It slips away. Remembering that the human condition reflects imperfections, flaws, fallibilities, yet it is exactly these qualities that hold a treasure. When we recognize such states arising within our relationships, be grateful. Be grateful, because life is asking you to expand and let go of our tendency to get angry, be resentful, judge, and criticize. Instead, breath because you still have the life force to do so (remember another person is taking their last) and think of all the good reasons this person, that you call “family,” is in your life. Life is short and it’s always later than you think. Be wise with your mind and practice gratitude for your family. It doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it does mean that you will feel good about your life and should the inevitable impermanence of life wonder upon your doorstep, you know you can greet it with humility and not regret. Be present. Be alive. Be grateful. Joseph Campbell, author and lecture, known for his work in mythology and religion, has been an inspiration in my life and when I reflect on the statement, follow your bliss, I know this bliss is the essence of desire. Desire is desire is desire and how we channel that desire makes all the difference in our lives and what we create from that desire is evidenced in our lives by what is happening in the present moment.
Over the years of pursuing my educational studies, certifications, and Buddhist practices, it was following my bliss that was essentially guiding my path. When I finished my graduate studies and began working as a Nurse Practitioner, educating and teaching my patients about health was the driving force behind my work. The focused attention on disease that has plagued medicine, instead of preventive lifestyles, was discouraging and a drain to my bliss. I certainly acknowledge the necessity for management of a disease process; however, educating on how to stay healthy is a much gentler life path than treating disease. After several years of practice, many patients were expressing sexual concerns of which I knew very little about. The educational process in Nursing and Medicine gave very little attention to sexuality, and certainly no attention on healthy function and pleasure. This led to my post-masters certification in Sexology with the American Academy of Clinical Sexologist. This was very helpful, yet still a great part of the education seemed mechanically based. When I met Gina Ogden, PhD, at a workshop at Esalen she was conducting, I knew I was on track. Gina Ogden, PhD, author and lecturer, became my mentor and supervisor in pursuing my national AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapist) Counselor certification. Her work in integrating spirituality and sexuality is the focus in my sex counseling. Currently, she and I are collaborating on a project addressing the lack of education and assessment tools absent in Integrative Medicine that bespeak a multi-dimensional framework when evaluating and diagnosing sexual dysfunctions. In the winter of 2007, I began my Fellowship in Integrative Medicine, a two year program at the University of Arizona, Tucson, under the tutelage of Dr. Andrew Weil. This program emphasized concepts in health promotion and preventive care. Why healthcare is founded on this premise is such a quandary to me because it seems so logical and effective, versus the way our current healthcare (disease-care) system governs the management of patient care. Ultimately in following my bliss, I have a practice that truly integrates the whole person. We are multi-dimensional beings having physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual experiences. As a health and sexual healthcare provider, having patients step into their lives as a multi-dimensional being and not as just a body, they will encounter an integration process that moves them in the direction of well-being. In this process, patients may for the time begin to integrate body, mind, and spirit. And this is the path to bliss. So today, acknowledge the whole person you are and tap into what you desire in life and then follow that and don’t stop! In this article, professor Allen Frances presents a criticism from Tamara Kayali who discusses how including Female Sexual Arousal and Female Orgasm Disorders (FSDs) in the DSM-5 could be very problematic thanks to the overzealous pharmacology industry. It's no secret that sexual dysfunction is a hot button topic and most of the pharmacology industry is focused on developing the magical pill to fix all your (real and imaginary) woes. Kayali's biggest concern is that of potential "Pharma disease mongering" – the increase in marketing for these magic treatments will increase the number of women seeking treatment for FSD not because they have it, but because they are striving to reach unreasonable societal expectations set by the pharmacology industry. Hopefully when these women seek treatment they consult a sexuality counselor who can work through their experiences and offer a more holistic approach than doctors who have been swayed by the drug companies' marketing ploys.
Read the full article here. "Between the stimuli (what happens in life) and the response (what you give back in the form of words, thoughts, behaviors, actions, character), is a space, and in the space is your power and your freedom." - Victor Frankl Let’s start off with some brain trivia about an organ that processes information via massive networks so that you are able to comprehend the world in which you live. So here we go:
The most impressive part of our brains is that it is neuroplastic. Meaning, this amazing structure once thought in science to be fixed and unchangeable, does have the ability throughout your life to be molded, transformed, upgraded, adaptable, and rejuvenated. The flip side of course, is that you may stay exactly as you are even if it doesn’t seem to be working for you and life has shown you evidence that you need to change. UCLA Neuroscientist Marco Iacoboni, MD, PhD, states, “The brain has an almost boundless capacity for reshaping itself over the years, for adapting, for expanding its power, while accumulating knowledge and recording experiences. Modern neuroscience tells us that the aging brain is no longer the declining brain, but rather a learning organ whose limits are still unexplored.” So how do we change and mold our brains so we have greater well-being (which translate to better sex lives)? According to Richard Davidson, PhD, at the University of Wisconsin-Madison Waisman Center for the Studies of Neuroscience, says, "What we found is that the trained mind, or brain, is physically different from the untrained one," he said. In time, "we'll be able to better understand the potential importance of this kind of mental training and increase the likelihood that it will be taken seriously." Mind training in meditation, yoga, Tai-Chi, and breath work, are methods for such training that from studies have proven to create thickening in the grey matter (remember we want to increase this and keep it our lifetime). Also, evidence of reducing inflammation in the body, reducing stress which reduces cortisol levels (stress hormone), improve immune function, and increases our sense of well-being. Remember, neurons that fire together, wire together. Begin cultivating neurons that fire and wire together through practicing methods that are proving to generate a healthy state of mind. When we have a healthy state of mind, the texture of our life will reflect our inner world. So do a 30-day challenge with a practice in meditation, yoga, Tai-Chi, or breath work and see for yourself how your well-being shifts. Here are some resources to get you started: http://www.yogajuicebox.com http://www.yogalokareno.com http://diamondheartreno.org/tag/reno-meditation-class/ http://www.soundstrue.com/shop/welcomehttp://www.merchantcircle.com/business/Tai.Chi.Chuan.Mark.Lord.Reno.NV.775-827-3744http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.html Rick Hanson: How to Change Your Brain
A typical science quote for neuroplasticity: "Neurons that wire together, fire together." So mindfulness helps guide us to wire healthy networks that will fire together and over time creating a healthy well-being. Dr. Oz recently featured a panel of three sexuality experts including medical doctors who addressed the topic of pornography and erectile dysfunction. They mentioned that a growing number of young men have been seeking help for ED and the traditional pharmaceutical treatments are not effective. The cause, they theorize, is a desensitization of the brain and genitals due to a maladaptive pornography viewing habit and an idiosyncratic masturbatory style. They present a great discussion of all the biological and psychological causes and present helpful techniques that can help.
Watch all 4 parts, starting here. “Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” - Kahlil Gibran Many lovers share a special time together on Valentine’s Day celebrating their love together. However, there were many of us that were not with a partner and some of us were experiencing a heart break, myself included. Going through a divorce or breakup creates a cascade of physical symptoms, emotional upheavals, mental ruminations, and spiritually, asking why and what grace may be received to ease the pain or even have your partner back.
In going through a split-up, this trauma propelled me into studying the health risks to understand what my body and mind have been experiencing. It’s evident that what we go through physically and emotionally takes some toll. The loss experienced in break-ups include that of security, a family life, the sexual relationship, a home, and even more, there are long-term health consequences that result. The University of Arizona review of 30 studies found a 23% increased risk of early death in divorced adults when compared to those married. Divorced men fair worse than women with higher rates of substance abuse (70% of chronic drinkers are the divorced male), suicide (2.5 times greater risk than married men), and increase in weight (suggesting that food selection is still often done by the women). Divorced women have higher rates of cardiovascular disease (11% in divorced woman versus 7.3% of married woman). In both men and women, studies suggest increase cancer rates, insomnia, and mental health illnesses. How can we help minimize these impressive statistics while navigating through the troubled waters of a broken heart? Here are some recommendations that will help reduce some of the immediate physical and emotional symptoms, but also knowing that the journey through the loss and the grief can be mindfully explored while being with this difficult process.
Last week I had my Rolfing appointment with David McDonald and during this experience, I mindfully brought my attention to the sensations of my body as he targeted areas of tension and injury. As he moved into these areas, I noticed how my first thought was, "Wow is this painful." I realized in that moment how easily my mind could pull me away from the gifts of the moment. Knowing that I could at that moment be swept away into thought and miss the experience of his healing touch, I instead brought attentive breath and my focus back to the muscular area where so much tension resided. As I dropped into the area of tension, I sensed the tightness in the muscle and felt how with breathing how it loosened the area.
My thinking was attempting to drive this experience, but I kept very active attention on my breath and the deep massaging that David was doing. This process of struggling with my thoughts and returning again to the mindfulness of the moment went on for the entire hour of the Rolfing. Over the years I have realized how often I have taken an uncomfortable encounter and brought thinking instead of mindfulness. I let go of my physical resistance to what I might previously perceive as pain. Instead of intellectual thinking, the process became a very healing experience of touch. How often have you taken a touch experience and got lost in your head of thoughts? You can get lost wondering what it meant or didn’t mean and then your entire experience can be lost before you appreciate it. As a Sexuality Counselor, I often hear patients express negative associations around being touched by their partner. When patients explain where their thoughts go, it’s most often that their thoughts are in a circle and cycle of negative thoughts. Our histories, patterns and life experiences are held within our neurobiological system. The process of changing thoughts, emotions and behavior patterns becomes the work of presence which is done in a state of mindfulness. If you are aware, we are able to be mindful of the patterns we don't desire and choose the thoughts that create a new pattern for yourself. Mindfulness of touch may mean for each of us the ability to be free from interpreting stimulus like touch or contact with our environment as “pain” or something inherently negative. If we are able to stop the thinking of our brain that does it’s job by default, to think, and instead just be with a sensation as it arises we will encounter life with freedom. Choosing to live life with this perspective does take courage to be present verses drifting from one thought process to the next. In the words of Gandi, “Freedom doesn’t mean the absence of restrictions. It means possessing unshakable conviction in your choices in the face of an obstacle.” |
Sherri AikinSherri Aikin is a Fellow of Integrative Medicine, Nurse Practitioner, Sex Counselor, Mindfulness Facilitator, and Life Coach. Categories
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Effective February, 2024, I will have some limited availability for in-person visits on Wednesdays only. Office location: 6630 South McCarran Blvd., B-18, Reno, Nevada 89509. In-person visits are scheduled through ChARM. Testimonials"Throughout my 40s, I sought help from different professionals for perimenopausal and relationship issues. In Sherri, I found a trusted guide to help me navigate the turbulent waters...." |